Ask Liz: No Gifts and No Ideas on Guest Seating

Yes, “Ask Liz” is back for the rest of the summer on www.thebrokeassbride.com. If you have a question about your wedding, send it to info@brokeassbride.com. The team knows where to find me. 

But in the meantime, follow me and join me on Periscope @LizCharm at 4pm Pacific time today, for a Q&A on Wedding guest management. Managing your guests means managing your stress. Bring me your questions and I’ll show you how to do both. 

Photo: Lucky Photographer

Dear Liz:
We had a small ceremony a few weeks ago, and we’re sending out our wedding announcements now. We don’t want anyone to send us gifts, how do we word that on the announcement?
Signed, 
No Swag, Please

Dear Swag,
Okay, so wedding announcements are a little different from wedding invitations. Traditionally, you’re not supposed to mention gifts on your invites at all — it’s rude to tell your guests that you expect them to get you something. This is why you put your gift registration on a separate card, or on another page of your wedding website. Never shove the gimme-grabbing in people’s faces. If you don’t want gifts, you can write something cute like, “No gifts, your presence is present enough” on a card or website, which, to be honest, causes my teeth to ache a little bit. I’m a bigger fan of not putting registration info in either, at all.  If someone asks where you’re registered, you tell them that you don’t want gifts, just guests (wince). Odds are, a few people won’t read or notice the omission, and will end up giving you cards with cash or checks in them. And the only response to that is “Thank you.”

But, since you’re sending wedding announcements, instead? Don’t mention gifts at all, unless someone asks, in which case you tell them, “No, we don’t want/need gifts, but thank you!” Always end with a thank you.

Dear Liz, 
Our wedding is in two weeks and we’re really struggling with how to seat people. The tables fit 10 people and we have 125 guests. Are there any “rules” for who should sit where? 
Signed, 
Table Tied

Dear Tied,
Ooh, most of the time I stay away from seating arrangements, because you know your guests,  and their various relationships with each other, and I … don’t. No one has an easy time doing it, though, if it’s any consolation. Start with who absolutely cannot be at the same table with each other — divorced couples, divorced parents, known mortal enemies, etc. Let’s call them the problem children. Put them at separate tables. Move on to your family and wedding party. Do you want your wedding party all at one table ,or is it okay if they are scattered around? Remember, couples and other family units should sit together. So, by now you have five or six tables of people who should and can spend an evening together, so just fill it in. Go over it at least three times (sorry), if you’re not sure, ask whoever whatever questions you need to in order to make it work , and try not to overindulge the problem children. You can’t make everyone happy.  Once you’ve got the table seating down, work on where each table should go in relation to all the others. It’s not uncomplicated, but it’s definitely doable.

See you at the end of the aisle, 

Liz Coopersmith
Silver Charm Events
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