“My God,” I can hear you thinking, “Only three?? Yeah, three is about all we can deal with here. I’ve been doing this a while, so I hear by couples being told the same thing over and over. And over. Friends and family, man. They mean well?
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You could, but they’re still going
to give you a hard time. |
1. You’re spending soo much money. Like you don’t already know that.
But seriously, why does everyone think that you’re that you’re not weighing the costs and choosing your options carefully? To a certain extent, this stuff costs what it costs. Here’s a few zingers you can zing back when they give you a hard time:
If you’re going to have a wedding, you need to rent a place to have it. To rent a guest room in a hotel, for two people, is about $200 a night. Multiply that by 50, plus the labor cost of setting up tables, linens and catering service. And if they say, well, at least you get the hotel room for a whole day and night. Well, not exactly. In by 4pm, out by 11am?
At the Olive Garden, a comparable Wedding menu – appetizers, salad, entree, and a couple of drinks, is $50 per person, including tax and service. Multiply that by 100 = $5,000. At the Olive Garden. Although…they DO cater.
Spend “too much”, and they wrinkle their noses. Spend too little and they do the same. What’s important is how you feel about the money you’re spending. If you’re not comfortable, that’s one thing, and there are ways to cut back, moving forward, and you should start on that, and start feeling better, ASAP. If you have it to spend, and you like what you’re spending it on, then don’t waste time being ashamed or defensive. Either way, all you have to say is the truth: “I appreciate what you’re saying, but we like the wedding we’re planning.” Like I said, they mean well.
2. You should know what you’re doing.
Yes, because your daily pre-wedding life included throwing parties for 100+ people every day. And, as you’re discovering, there are lots of unknowns, lots of potential mistakes that you had no idea you could make. There’s lots of research, lots of vendors to meet, and tons of decisions to make about all of it. You want to create a wonderful day with the love of your life and with all the folks who love you both, and you’re doing your best to get it right – give yourself credit for that, right now.
And you’ve got to carve out time from your regularly scheduled life programming to do it. Wedding planning can and should be fun, you can and should enjoy and appreciate all the options and allll the Pretty, but you know what, it’s also a lot of work. They say it takes 400 hours to plan a wedding, ten 40-hour weeks. Sounds about right, especially since figuring how to do anything new takes time. This is the main reason I get hired, so they can use that 400 hours to live their lives, and not their weddings. I know all the pros, the cons, and the odds. You’re not weak, you’re not whiny, and you’re not crazy. Although it might drive you crazy when your Aunt say, “why are you stressed out?? This is fun, this is easy! All you have to do is just find a wedding cake!” Sigh.
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Fondant vs. Buttercream vs.
Cake Topper vs. Your Head Exploding. |
3. You don’t need my help. Why do you need my help?These are usually the first people to complain about the decision you made without them. They don’t realize, if you’re asking for their help or their opinion, it means that you really want it. Bottom line? People don’t want the responsibility, they’d rather hand out the blame. If it’s your betrothed, then remind them it’s their wedding too, and they need to tell you what they want (trust me, there is something). If it’s your family, especially if they’re helping you pay for the wedding, remind them that they will have to be okay with your final decision, so they might want to contribute to it. If it’s your wedding party, and you need their help, turn it into a party. Dress shopping followed by Happy Hour. Invitation stuffing preceded by lunch. Turn favor-making into a wine-tasting. Schedule it and make it fun.
Look, you are doing so much better than you – or they – think you are. Count your victories, keep moving forward, and look forward to a beautiful, fun, wedding day. It’s waiting for you.
See you at the end of the aisle,
Liz Coopersmith
Silver Charm Events
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